HOW THE PHRASES OF PARENTS CHANGE THE CHARACTER AND PSYCHE OF CHILDREN

A few hurried and hasty words can have a significant impact on the child's future, behavior, and attitude towards life situations. Often parents forget about such statements in the direction of their children, and when the psychotrauma begins to appear, moms and dads sound an alarm: What happened to their child? What is the reason for uncertainty, irritation, or anxiety? By observing parents communicating with children in public places, it is possible to recognize the main 'toxic' imitations and determine how they affect the child's character and mental health.

Our psychological state directly affects the quality of life for each of us. If there is no anxiety or experience, the tolerance for stress is higher. Our objective is to develop, feel comfortable in society, and discover the strength to be helpful to others. One of the common stereotypes in society is that children experience less stress than adults. It would seem to be sleeping, eating, and playing. But this is not the case.

The stage of development and formation of the personality is where most deformations in the human psyche arise. Despite the influence of different factors and institutions on a child or adolescent, the family is the primary factor. The family's environment directly reflects the condition of the child. The child's future can be enhanced by their strength, trustworthiness, love, and absence of negativity. It is common for children from disadvantaged backgrounds to perform significantly worse in school than their peers. To succeed in studying, it is crucial for the child to have a strong bond with their family.

To gain insight into parent-child communication, all it takes is simple observations: spending time on playgrounds, walking near educational institutions, and shopping. I intuitively understand that there is aggression or reproach in words, but each has its own threshold of adequacy of statements, so it is worth analyzing the heard lines from the side of psychology.

It's possible for parents to overlook toxic, destructive phrases related to their children that have a poisonous effect on their psychological functioning and self-esteem.

According to the parent, he instructs the child by using these phrases, emphasizing the problematic points and failing to comprehend that he is communicating with an immature person. The child may be morally unprepared to analyze such complex phrases due to their age, and they may take them with resentment. Depression is a possible outcome of feelings of guilt, uncertainty, anxiety, feelings of abandonment and loneliness, an inability to express feelings, and an inferiority complex.

Situation № 1: Сomparison of the child's behavior with the behavior of one of the parents

The method of comparison is a classic one (as the father may be replaced by another person, even if they are not related to the number of relatives). Trying to get support from a child in a conflict situation, the parent is disappointed, insults are played in his words, and, wanting to hurt the child, the parent compares her to one of the parents, in fact, endowing the child with personality qualities that may not exist at all. The phrase has the potential to form a child's lasting inferiority complex, which leads to a lack of self-confidence and abilities. The shadow of comparison will periodically appear for many years.

Situation № 2:  Regret about the birth of a child"If I knew, I would have had an abortion"

Various situations, including the most severe ones, can cause parents to react emotionally. Still, we can’t forget that it’s our baby. The abortion phrase operates on a child on the principle of separation, that is, further distancing it from its parents. The child develops a sense of guilt for being born and a sense of parental burden. A parent may run a program without realizing it, which can lead to the self-destruction of their child's mental and physical health. The result of such a message is deterioration of the state of health, continuing to take psychoactive substances, total insecurity, depression, etc.

Situation № 3: Сompulsion to eat. Eat up to the last crumb. When you grow up, you will eat everything.

An interesting example is that the child is forced to adopt a dogmatic belief; in this situation, the variant of the message, which subsequently results in a violation of the nutritional behavior of the child, may be either obesity or anorexia.

Situation № 4: Prohibition of dialogue. Shut your mouth. Listen when the elders speak.

The position of seniority cannot be used to determine who is right and who is wrong. In general, this phrase carries within itself a message, meaning an insult. All this can lead to the fact that the child will look for «foreign ears" with whom he can share his experiences. As a consequence, there is uncertainty, anxiety, and a decreased capacity to connect with others.

Situation № 5: It's all nonsense, don't worry too much!

These are discouraging phrases. For the child, his «small" problems and troubles are real and significant. After all, he lives it. They may seem frivolous to us. So you take away the toy, put an unfair two, argue with a friend, etc. Such situations are truly upsetting for the child. If you show neglect to the problems of the child, there is a great risk of losing his trust and, in the future, not learning about other, more adult problems of the child.

Situation № 6: «What’s wrong with you?»

Often, angry parents exclaimed when the child once again acted contrary to their expectations. One must realize that children can take this phrase seriously and decide that something is really wrong with them. Later, an inferiority complex develops.

The decision

Why do adults behave like this

You cannot create a template and equalize all situations to it, as for each specific situation there is always the perception of the child, and the context, and the state of the parent, you can only highlight the main recommendations.

Of all the situations, there is a feeling that an adult person is experiencing some feelings; something is happening to him, but he cannot express it except to manipulate the child and blame him. It's crucial for parents to stop and ask themselves, "Do I want my child to grow up squishy, whiny, or, like a father, selfish?" Then what do I want? My desire is for my child to be kind and tidy, and you should have a grasp of what to do. Be on the lookout for other actions.

When it comes to emotional intelligence, consider instances where an adult is unable to comprehend what is happening to them and cannot take control of it. He’s overwhelmed with fear, anger, and frustration, and he’s not tracking that emotion. They start to manage the condition of the child, and it is necessary to say about their condition: «I am upset that it happened, and I am unpleasant that you do not allow me to express my opinion. Sometimes it is necessary to express your emotions: «I am angry, «I am upset, «I am sad, «I am upset by a mess in your room." Sometimes it is enough. An adult person also has emotions, and if he is ready to confess his feelings, then the present appears, and with the present it is possible to communicate, and then the child looks at him with completely different eyes, and here it is already happening: the transformation: the child begins to hear that the mother may be upset.

Why is a teenager arguing?

It’s normal for a teenage child to argue with their parents. If a teenager is making a point, that’s a good thing. It is better for parents to rejoice in this; it is unusual and uncomfortable, of course, but it just says that the child has his own «I, his opinion, and his view of the world. If you suppress the opinion of a teenager and a child, then it is foolish to hope that the child will manifest it in society when he grows up. If we want our child to always be obedient to us and not learn to be himself, then what hopes do we have that he will graduate and choose the university himself and be successful at work when it will be necessary to manifest his opinion?

About suggestion and persuasion

We live according to our beliefs, and it’s important to get this message across to parents because children’s beliefs are often parents' theses: proposals then become people’s beliefs. Any insult to a child already affects a person’s life and his ability to transform and change something in his life. If a man is convinced he’s a genius, he’ll live like a genius.

A similar experiment: psychologists conducted back in the USSR. They recruited two identical classes of children, completely ordinary. One class was told that they were brilliant and that there were high hopes for them. Also, the teachers were told that they have brilliant children, judging by the tests. The other class just wasn't told anything. And who do you think had more results? At the class where they said that the kids are brilliant.

Thoughts may be material, but without mysticism and fiction, our words have the power to shape our future.

In modern psychology, it is deemed appropriate to see a child as an independent person who deserves to be listened to, gently guided, and set an example. In this case, you need to change and control yourself first of all.

How to replace negative expressions?

It is important to realize that the person in front of you is still small and completely dependent on you. Regardless of age, it is unpleasant for any person to undergo unworthy treatment with himself: shouting and being forced to do something. The situation changes completely. When you are asked for something in a good way, you will be hugged with love, and then you yourself want to do something useful and even more! Children and adults are both affected by these methods of persuasion.

It is thanks to the warm, friendly atmosphere in the family that children grow up happy, talented, confident in themselves and others, choose good friends, and honor their elders.

The most rewarding aspect of raising a child is seeing your people say to your child: 'How fortunate you are with your parents!'

References:

1. Julia Gippenreiter: book, "To communicate with a child. How?"
2. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: book, "How to talk so that children listen, and how to listen so that children talk"